


pizza scam for clout **GONE WRONG**

by justyouraverageloser



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: But it's Mostly Crack, Crack, M/M, Minor Violence, Please Don't Kill Me, based on the pizza hut date, except it's kind of serious, it's not detailed don't worry, jealous gogy, mature for premarital handholding, this is a joke, what am I doing with my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:30:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25420147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyouraverageloser/pseuds/justyouraverageloser
Summary: Wilbur takes Dream on a date, and Dream tries hard to impress him. However, things don't go at all how either of them expected.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Wilbur Soot
Comments: 66
Kudos: 241





	1. green bitchboy tries to get it on with local brit and upsets other brit

**Author's Note:**

> please don't take this seriously, it's crack;;  
> absolutely no hate towards any cc featured in this, this is completely for humor purposes
> 
> greencheetahlover gave me the prompt and motivation to write this  
> blame her for the madness-

Dream smiles to himself as he enters the Pizza Hut, gaze filtering over the multitudes of faces and landing on the one he came for: _Wilbur._ He clears his throat, slipping a breath mint past his lips before making his way over to the attractive Brit.

“Good evening,” Wilbur greets.

“Hey.” Dream slides into the seat across from him. “You’re even cuter in person,” he says with a wink. Wilbur chuckles.

“Oh my, well, you’re a lot hotter than I expected you to be, Dream~” he flirts back. Dream’s cheeks heat up. “Charming, too.”

“Thanks,” he chokes out as he takes the menu and begins looking through it to distract himself from the compliments he received. As soon as Dream’s cockiness has been built back to its prime, Wilbur speaks up.

“What are you thinking about ordering?” Dream doesn’t even hesitate to say the first thing that appears in his mind.

“You.”

“I’m not sure that you can order me, Dream, but it’s the thought that counts.” Dream deflates at the response. “Would you like to share a stuffed crust pizza?”

“Sure,” Dream replies with a limp shrug. 

“You must’ve really wanted me, huh?” he teases, easily picking up on Dream’s disappointed aura.

“Maybe…” he half-admits. Wilbur shakes his head, laughing to himself.

“I _am_ quite irresistible, aren’t I?”

A waitress walks up to the two, interrupting their small talk and Dream’s failures at winning over Wilbur. Wilbur orders their pizza, and they each ask for their own drinks before she walks away. It’s silent.

Before Dream can strike up another conversation, the waitress returns with their drinks before disappearing back into the kitchen. Slightly annoyed by the interruption, Dream opens his mouth, about to try again, but suddenly, she’s back out and presenting them with a delicious, fresh pepperoni stuffed crust pizza. She sets it down in between them before leaving once more. Dream wants to scream.

“If you put four pieces of pizza on top of each other and take a bite out of it, I’ll make it worth your while~” Wilbur coos. This catches Dream’s attention, and he instantly takes action. Once his pizza tower is made, he shoves it in his mouth and takes a bite. While he’s chewing, he doesn’t notice Wilbur getting closer and closer until their faces are practically touching. Dream leans back slightly in surprise, mouth still full of pizza. Before Wilbur can do anything, however, the door leading into the Pizza Hut is kicked open and in walks not just any Brit but _the_ Brit. Dream looks over but is unable to recognize who it is since he’s too distracted by a loud, earsplitting bang followed by a shriek. 

Brought back to the situation, Dream sees George lowering a gun that had previously been aimed at Wilbur. Shocked, he turns his attention to Wilbur who is now on the floor, holding a hand to his shoulder.

“What the HELL?!” Wilbur yells. “YOU SHOT ME!” he accuses, glaring daggers in George’s direction.

“So I did. It’s what you get for taking Dream on a date before I could.” Dream gets out of his seat, hurrying to Wilbur’s side and crouching beside him.

“Should I call an ambulance?” he quickly asks.

“No,” Wilbur deadpans. “Yes, of course you should call an ambulance, you idiot! I’m bleeding out on the floor of a Pizza Hut on a date with YOU, this is not how I wanted to go! Don’t let me die, Dream!” Dream blinks in confusion.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You were the one who asked me on the date.”

“Okay, fine. It was for the clout. It’s always been for the clout,” Wilbur admits. Dream stands back up to his full height.

“No ambulance for you.” He begins walking away, but Wilbur grabs his ankle with his bloodied hand, having let go of his wound to stop Dream from leaving his side.

“Where are you going?” Wilbur pleads. Dream grimaces in disgust at the sight of red staining his brand new designer jeans.

“Away from you, clout-chaser.” Wilbur scoffs.

“To who? George?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. He doesn’t use me for clout. Right, George?” Dream flicks his eyes over to George.

“Actually-”

“RIGHT, George?”

“Right. I don’t use you for clout.” Dream smiles, satisfied, before walking over to George and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, ignoring Wilbur’s desperate cries for someone to get him to a hospital.

“Why were you here anyways?”

“Well, my plan was to shoot right next to Wilbur and scare him off then take his place, but I have terrible aim, so…” George shrugs, the movement slightly restricted by Dream’s arm around him.

“Aren’t you going to get arrested for shooting him?”

“Not if I hide in your suitcase and go back to America with you.”

“Didn’t think about that. You’re small, you could probably fit. What’re you going to do about Wilbur?”

“Leave him here. Someone will help him eventually. Or not. It’s for fate to decide now.”

“Fair enough.”

“Let’s get out of here before the police arrive.”

“Can I bring the pizza?”

“I don’t see why not.” Dream retracts his arm, jogging over to the table and picking up the tray of pizza (including his pizza tower) before retreating back to George’s side. They exit the Pizza Hut and run away together, eating pizza and having the time of their lives.

* * *

“Hello? Is someone there?” Wilbur calls out into the darkness of the restaurant building. The employees had closed it a few hours prior and left him behind, so the smallest sounds freaked him out, especially with his delirium from blood loss. Tommy steps out of the shadows and into Wilbur’s field of vision.

“Hello, William. It is I, TommyInnit, here to guide you to the afterlife.”

“Wh-huh? Tommy?”

“Precisely. Now let us go.” He helps up Wilbur before leading him to the front doors. He breaks through the glass effortlessly.

“It doesn’t look like we’re going to the afterlife to me.”

“I know. I was joking.”

“How did you even get in there?”

“I have my ways.”

“How did you even _know_ I was in there?”

“I am all-knowing.”

“Alright then.”

“We will get our revenge, Wilbur.”

“Revenge?”

“Yes. We will kill George and kidnap Dream to use him for his clout. It’s the poggiest plan I’ve ever pogged.”

“I’m in.”

“Perfect.” The two smirk to themselves as Tommy helps Wilbur back to his secret base where they could discuss their plans to enact their vengeance on George and obtain what they both desire: Dream’s tasty clout.


	2. BREAKING NEWS: florida man gets TAKEN in the uk!!! (not clickbait)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no comment

Stepping into the airport, Dream takes in the lack of people. He’s unphased, pulling up his mask and making his way to the bag check area. He gently places down the suitcase he bought the day before on the scale, watching as the numbers of the weight go up. He slips some money out of his back pocket and sets it on the counter, smiling apologetically at the lady behind the desk.

“I’m sorry that it’s so over the weight limit; I have some important, fragile items in it that I had to bring with me.” The woman takes the cash and pushes it to the side before attempting to pick up the suitcase and put it on the conveyor belt. “Bye, George,” Dream whispers.

“What?” the employee asks, confused.

“Oh, that’s just the name of my suitcase. It’s very dear to me,” he lies smoothly. She shrugs it off, sending the loaded suitcase away. Dream watches it longingly before thanking her and walking away towards security. Before he’s able to make it, however, a hand slides over his mouth and pulls him back into someone’s chest. The stranger applies pressure to one of Dream’s pressure points, causing him to pass out on the spot. Everything goes dark.

* * *

When the plane lands in Florida, the suitcase is left unattended, revolving endlessly around the conveyor belt at Baggage Claim. George, finally having enough, finds a way to unzip the suitcase from the inside and crawl out, tired of barely being able to breathe. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not actually all that comfortable to spend nine whole hours in a suitcase. It’s stuffy, and all-in-all, it just isn’t a very fun experience in George’s opinion. It definitely isn’t something he’ll do again. Getting as far away from the dreaded suitcase as possible, he eagerly breathes in the fresh air of the Floridian airport before deciding to look around for Dream.

Unable to find him, he tries calling his phone. After getting no answer, he begins to get worried. _Did something happen to him?_ Doing the only thing he could think of in that moment, George calls Sapnap. He explains the situation and why he’s in America instead of London where he should be and tells him that he thinks something is wrong. Sapnap immediately comes to the rescue, manifesting himself next to George inside the airport. No one questions it because it’s a totally normal thing that happens every day.

“What do you think happened to him?” Sapnap inquires, raising an eyebrow. “We can’t do anything about it until we can figure out where he is.”

“Well...I’m not entirely sure he even got on the plane in the first place. Do you think he would send me here without him? Maybe he went back to Wilbur.” George frowns at the thought. “We even held hands premaritally in public...I knew I should’ve listened to my mum about stuff like this. He really threw me under the bus like that.”

“That may be the case, but let’s think about Dream here. Would he really do that?”

“Probably not, but I can’t help thinking the worst.”

“I think that whatever happened wasn’t Dream’s doing. What if he got kidnapped?”

“By who exactly?”

“Wilbur, obviously.”

“Oh. That makes sense. But Dream was in an airport, he couldn’t have just up and gotten kidnapped by Wilbur in a public place like that. Could he have?”

“You never know. There’s always the possibility that someone helped Wilbur.”

“That’s true.”

The two males discuss for a while longer about what could’ve happened to their dear Dream. Settling on the fact that he’s still in the UK, they illegally board the next plane to London, determined to get _their_ ~~clout-filled~~ friend back.

* * *

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Wilbur voices, exhausted as he sinks into a chair. Dream was heavy, and he was the one who had to carry him all the way back to Tommy’s basement. 

“You did that. I’m not going to be the one getting arrested for kidnapping someone. Plus, I told you to kidnap George, not Dream. The goal was to lure Dream here and ask for his clout as a ransom for George back, but no. You’re a failure, Wilbur.”

“Hey! It wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t find George anywhere. He must’ve been ahead of Dream or something. For all we know, he could’ve ended up staying behind and not going back to America with Dream!” Wilbur stands up, growing defensive. Tommy rolls his eyes. “In addition to that, you’re the one keeping him against his will in your basement. If the police catch us, it’ll be you to blame.”

“Are you sure about that? I can just say it’s your house, and you were forcing me into this. Who are they more likely to believe? The adult or the teenager?”

“Sadly, that’s a good point. I’m just going to hope nobody realizes Dream is missing, so we don’t get caught.” The two turn their attention to the American as he begins to stir, groaning softly.

“Finally awake, huh?” Tommy sneers.

“Who...?” Dream asks tiredly, his eyes slowly blinking open before realizing he can’t see anything due to the blindfold tied tightly around his head. He’s also tied to a chair, but that’s the least of his problems.

“We’re your captors. We’re here for your clout.”

“No...not my clouds…” Dream murmurs.

“You didn’t give him any chloroform or weird substances, right? I didn’t tell you to give him drugs, Wilbur.”

“I know! I didn’t!”

“Wil...bur? Didn’t I go on a date with you or something?”

“Shut up, your voice is annoying,” Tommy replies. Dream wheezes like the kettle he is.

“Thanks.”

“Will you plug us in all your future videos, or no?” Wilbur questions, jabbing Dream with his finger with his unhurt arm.

“No? Why would I do that?”

“For your freedom.”

“Who cares about freedom?”

“Uh...” Wilbur pulls Tommy to the side, putting his mouth close to his ear to whisper to him. “I don’t think we thought this through. We should’ve come up with a different plan. This obviously isn’t working.”

“Let me try.” Tommy pushes Wilbur away before marching up to Dream. “GIVE US YOUR CLOUT OR DIE, PEASANT!” he shouts in his face. Dream scrunches up his nose.

“You just spit all over me, weirdo.” This fires up Tommy, and he shoves Dream, knocking the chair backward. Dream releases a quiet “oof” when he and the chair hit the ground. Tommy flips off Dream even though he wasn’t able to see it before storming off. Wilbur facepalms.

“And I was starting to think Tommy could actually be helpful,” he grumbles under his breath. 

“So why am I here again?”

“Tommy and I kidnapped you for clout since my pizza date with you failed,” Wilbur explains as he begins hefting up the chair back onto its four legs.

“I wouldn’t say it failed. I had a very nice time with George afterward.” Wilbur instantly drops the chair. “HEY! What was that for?!” Dream yells.

“Everything. So, what can we do to make you get us more viewers?” Dream thinks for a moment. 

“Let me go.”

“I thought you said—actually, nevermind. Whatever. Okay, so if we let you go, you’ll ask your followers to check us out?”

“No. That’s not what I said.”

“Yes it-” Wilbur cuts himself off yet again. “I can’t deal with this right now. Tommy!” Wilbur yells after Tommy, leaving the room quickly after and proceeding to command him to make him a sandwich.

“Now that they’re gone,” Dream mumbles to himself, slipping out of the poorly tied restraints and standing up from the floor. He then takes off his blindfold, squeezing his eyes shut as light enters his sight and burns his retinas. More yelling from upstairs distracts him from his escape plan, and he realizes that two voices are mingled in that weren’t there before. This grabs his attention, and he sneaks up the stairs, wincing at the sound of something hitting a wall and breaking along with more screaming. He peeks past the door down into the basement to see Sapnap, George, Tommy, and Wilbur all fighting like little girls.

“HIS CLOUT IS OURS!”

“NO OURS!” 

Dream sighs to himself, ducking past them and out the front door. In the end, they’ll always be the same. Whether it be through friendship or fake dates, he’ll always be scammed for his clout. That’s just how Dream rolls.

As Dream walks into the sunset, he hears a loud "OH SHIT, HE'S GONE!" before breaking into a run. _Yeah_ , that's just how he rolls.


End file.
